a walk to remember..

aku tau dalam LJ aku slalu je ngutuk course aku..
tapi, bukannya is bermaksud aku benci sgt pun berada di tempat ni...
tapi yang busuk ttp busuk.. aku x kan kata ia wangi..
tapi yang busuk dan buruk tu ada jugak yang baiknya.. jadi aku bertahan sbb yang baiknya la..
dan yang baik tu adalah mengenali kwn2 sekuliah aku yang gila2bahasa belaka, jumpa lecturer yang byk bagi semangat ( walau lagi ramai pun yang sbaliknya).. Dan menjadi sorang Nurse( in the making la)
thanks for making these 4 years a wonderful one.. ( walaupun ada sekeping dua manusia tu dah mencalarkan hati aku- jd cirrhosis da- dalam tempoh tu)

aku bt menda ni utk nursing seminar kitaorang dulu.. konon mcm intro sal cos ni..
tapi makin lama tgok.. ni la satu kisah pasal perjalanan kami sepanjang 4 thn ni..( wlaupun mungkin hanya kami yang tau apa tersirat di sbalik suma gmbar ni)
selepas tak cukup tido dalam 4 hari utk cari gmbar ngan sambung2 video.. ni la hasilnya..

just something for us to remember by.. This is our story..
the second chapter of our lives...

credits to :

da multimedia teamate- Nina
and everyone whom pic are used in the making of this short video
and also
Bond n Jin for the background songs V ( ^.^)V

of Love and TEARS

its been quite a while since i've post anything..
well.. life is really bust these day- but i really love it .
maa.....it seem like i really have found what i love doing, hope this feeling will never fades away just because of some other health care personnel who like to find others fault to cover their own weakness* ahem*like the someone here* hides* WHO said That?

today, one of the patient pass away of Cancer.. lymphoma.
poor guy, he is hardly 40 yrs old. the whole health care team have been strugling hard to safe him yesterday.. but today, it was his time it seem.
i felt really sad for him..
had he been diagnosed earlier, this could have been avoided..
or if they have know that he couldn't be saved.. i think its better if he was allowed to spend his last time at home.. instead of dying surrounded by strangers like us.

the last 4 days- when he was admitted to the ward, he seem fine ( not as sick as he was yesterday) .. still can talk, smile .. still very lively..
he could have a more peaceful departure surrounded by his loves one.. listening to their voice, have them to hold his hand and whisper the" shahadah". but lives don't always goes as planned..

nobody would have thought that it would happens so fast.

last week also, a patient whom i cared passed away. i'm still sad about it, not because of the fact that he died, but the way he died.
he was send to the ward, bedridden, presented with pressure ulcer ( 2nd stage) on various part of his body that even looking at him make you feel his pain.
since the day he was send to the ward, i nver see any of his relatives comes to visit at all( but i dont know if they did at the time i wasn't there)
i noticed that sometimes there were tears falling from his eyes.. i think he wish his family was there..but now, i think it was because of other cause.

a week before he passed away, his condition improves, and with that i believe he will survived ( but somehow deep down, i found myself wishing that he would just go- o that he will no longer suffer the pain)

i dont know how he died precisely because i wasn't on duty that day.. Maybe it was better that i wasn't there, i might cry..
but the most shocking thing is that.. he is a muslim after all. .and we only know it after he pass away- his relative only reveal that later after everything was too late..
Why on earth did they do that???!!!!!!
They have all the time a month before to tell us that, but they didn't!
i hope his soul will rest in peace and may he be placed in the heaven.


" inna lillah hi wa inna ila hi ro ji un"

uh huh

not feeling well...

i think i've got a fever today.. huhuhu..

so how?

he made my day.. everyday!!

actually this CF was released since last month.. but i was too busy to care...
too much things to settle by then..




he is soOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo damn adorkable!!!!!!!
Wonder if is it even possible for me to fall in love with him more than i already did?

suddenly feel like wanting to have a pet dog..

I think i'm delirious ~~~

_______________________________________________________


yeay for Aizat for winning AJL last night..!!!
I kinda expect that song going to win.. his Voice are just soothing
and..and.. he kinda remind me of Bae.. hahaha ( typical me)
only that Aizat doesn't move like YoungBae did * cough* and a 6 pack* cough*

and my top 3 Fav artist winning1st, 2nd and 3rd place ..!!!!
Cograts YUna and Faizal Tahir!!!!!!
regardless of what other thinks.. i think they deserved to win..!!

wishing on a star

i think my prayer have been answered.
everything went fine today.. in fact.. excellent!!!
thank God everything went fine..well.. at work at least..

today i worked in acute cubicle again..
as it is holiday today ( but of course nurses and doctors never experience a saturday and sunday break) .. the ward seem quite peaceful compared to yesterday.. ( ok..ok,i lied.. it was exactly the same like yesterday)
i think i got in the right mood today.. i didn't bother bother about what other have been able to do today that i still haven't got the chance to do yet( did i confuse u..haha)
It was tiring if u keep comparing your achievement with other.. but sometimes, u just cant help it right. ?
it was always the competition to be the best that motivate me to work harder each day.,but a some point, you forget what you always want, " to do your thing".
you seek recognition for being the one able to do many procedure.. one other can depend on - NEEDED..
but you forget to do " your thing"- nursing with compassion, touch with care, listen with empathy, and make them feel happy that there is someone who are caring for them like a family..
CAught in the middle of a competition.Everything now seem just as a JOB..you came to the ward, check on the patient, give medicine, keep his hygiene, clean their wound, but you never know who you are caring, what was they feeling being at the ward alone- when everyone surrounds them have their family visiting, you only knew their physical medical diagnosis.. never their emotional diagnosis.

before this, i never really cared about being at the top of the class, never really cared if someone think that i'm stupid for spending longer time trying to do a work that other can just do a slipshot, never cared if someone think i'm pretending to be hardworking when i spend time working on a patient study case..
I dont know where and when, i change into a robot..
i did help a lot in the ward.. but i never feel happyand contended like i used to everytime i help the patients. I dont know them. they are just "works that i have to finish" instead of" a person/family member i want to care"

Did i decided to be a nurse so that i can be the one needed in case of medical emergency.. Yes.. but did i want to be a highly capable nurse who only knew to do her work and neglect other thing about the patient which has nothing to do with their medical diagnosis? NO.
I always dream of being a nurse who can be trusted to work with, confident, capable and the one that was close to the patient heart, the one who take care of a patient emotional and physical need. All this while, i was so buzy catching up with other, i forgot who i really want to be..
i forgot ME!!
i forgot my own true desire..
i forgot to build myself to be the one that i always wanted to be.

I REALLY HOPE TO BE ONE EXCELLENT NURSE..

i really do!!

a whole new world..

my preceptorship officially starts last Tuesday..
scary.. when thinking about it.. in just a few month i'll be changing from the title student to a fully working adult..
not that i never think of it.. but time just seem to flew so fast these 4 years.
in the next 6month.. everyone will walk on our different way.. wonder if there will be any chance that we'll meet each other again. i think i wanna cry now.. tsk..tsk..

since this i my first time in Sg Buloh hospital. i think i still havent fully able to adapt to the new situation.. the first 3 day were like .. uhhhh.. i think i'll give myself a C for the overall performance..crap..crap..
lets just hope everytime went fine and i'll be able to perform well tomorrow.

lots of things happened in the last 3 days..somebody broke into our house and stole 3 laptops and 2 handsets.. the robber HAD been caught but ... he was released ( or so the police said he escaped -but i think he was released instead of escaped) ON THE VERY SAME DAY!!!
things were geting more complicated for us.. my friends who lost their laptops is totally devastated.. all of their research work was stored in their laptops.. now it seem like they have to start all over again..
and the fact that the robber got away.. we haven't been able to sleep at night or go anywhere.. fearing that he might break in again..
HAISH!!!!!!!!!!!!

it was raining outside.. it was so mellow here that even listening to TAeyang and Thelma's " falling in love" song make me weep for no reasons..

I THINK i'm Going crazy...