a walk to remember..

aku tau dalam LJ aku slalu je ngutuk course aku..
tapi, bukannya is bermaksud aku benci sgt pun berada di tempat ni...
tapi yang busuk ttp busuk.. aku x kan kata ia wangi..
tapi yang busuk dan buruk tu ada jugak yang baiknya.. jadi aku bertahan sbb yang baiknya la..
dan yang baik tu adalah mengenali kwn2 sekuliah aku yang gila2bahasa belaka, jumpa lecturer yang byk bagi semangat ( walau lagi ramai pun yang sbaliknya).. Dan menjadi sorang Nurse( in the making la)
thanks for making these 4 years a wonderful one.. ( walaupun ada sekeping dua manusia tu dah mencalarkan hati aku- jd cirrhosis da- dalam tempoh tu)

aku bt menda ni utk nursing seminar kitaorang dulu.. konon mcm intro sal cos ni..
tapi makin lama tgok.. ni la satu kisah pasal perjalanan kami sepanjang 4 thn ni..( wlaupun mungkin hanya kami yang tau apa tersirat di sbalik suma gmbar ni)
selepas tak cukup tido dalam 4 hari utk cari gmbar ngan sambung2 video.. ni la hasilnya..

just something for us to remember by.. This is our story..
the second chapter of our lives...

credits to :

da multimedia teamate- Nina
and everyone whom pic are used in the making of this short video
and also
Bond n Jin for the background songs V ( ^.^)V

of Love and TEARS

its been quite a while since i've post anything..
well.. life is really bust these day- but i really love it .
maa.....it seem like i really have found what i love doing, hope this feeling will never fades away just because of some other health care personnel who like to find others fault to cover their own weakness* ahem*like the someone here* hides* WHO said That?

today, one of the patient pass away of Cancer.. lymphoma.
poor guy, he is hardly 40 yrs old. the whole health care team have been strugling hard to safe him yesterday.. but today, it was his time it seem.
i felt really sad for him..
had he been diagnosed earlier, this could have been avoided..
or if they have know that he couldn't be saved.. i think its better if he was allowed to spend his last time at home.. instead of dying surrounded by strangers like us.

the last 4 days- when he was admitted to the ward, he seem fine ( not as sick as he was yesterday) .. still can talk, smile .. still very lively..
he could have a more peaceful departure surrounded by his loves one.. listening to their voice, have them to hold his hand and whisper the" shahadah". but lives don't always goes as planned..

nobody would have thought that it would happens so fast.

last week also, a patient whom i cared passed away. i'm still sad about it, not because of the fact that he died, but the way he died.
he was send to the ward, bedridden, presented with pressure ulcer ( 2nd stage) on various part of his body that even looking at him make you feel his pain.
since the day he was send to the ward, i nver see any of his relatives comes to visit at all( but i dont know if they did at the time i wasn't there)
i noticed that sometimes there were tears falling from his eyes.. i think he wish his family was there..but now, i think it was because of other cause.

a week before he passed away, his condition improves, and with that i believe he will survived ( but somehow deep down, i found myself wishing that he would just go- o that he will no longer suffer the pain)

i dont know how he died precisely because i wasn't on duty that day.. Maybe it was better that i wasn't there, i might cry..
but the most shocking thing is that.. he is a muslim after all. .and we only know it after he pass away- his relative only reveal that later after everything was too late..
Why on earth did they do that???!!!!!!
They have all the time a month before to tell us that, but they didn't!
i hope his soul will rest in peace and may he be placed in the heaven.


" inna lillah hi wa inna ila hi ro ji un"

uh huh

not feeling well...

i think i've got a fever today.. huhuhu..

so how?

he made my day.. everyday!!

actually this CF was released since last month.. but i was too busy to care...
too much things to settle by then..




he is soOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo damn adorkable!!!!!!!
Wonder if is it even possible for me to fall in love with him more than i already did?

suddenly feel like wanting to have a pet dog..

I think i'm delirious ~~~

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yeay for Aizat for winning AJL last night..!!!
I kinda expect that song going to win.. his Voice are just soothing
and..and.. he kinda remind me of Bae.. hahaha ( typical me)
only that Aizat doesn't move like YoungBae did * cough* and a 6 pack* cough*

and my top 3 Fav artist winning1st, 2nd and 3rd place ..!!!!
Cograts YUna and Faizal Tahir!!!!!!
regardless of what other thinks.. i think they deserved to win..!!

wishing on a star

i think my prayer have been answered.
everything went fine today.. in fact.. excellent!!!
thank God everything went fine..well.. at work at least..

today i worked in acute cubicle again..
as it is holiday today ( but of course nurses and doctors never experience a saturday and sunday break) .. the ward seem quite peaceful compared to yesterday.. ( ok..ok,i lied.. it was exactly the same like yesterday)
i think i got in the right mood today.. i didn't bother bother about what other have been able to do today that i still haven't got the chance to do yet( did i confuse u..haha)
It was tiring if u keep comparing your achievement with other.. but sometimes, u just cant help it right. ?
it was always the competition to be the best that motivate me to work harder each day.,but a some point, you forget what you always want, " to do your thing".
you seek recognition for being the one able to do many procedure.. one other can depend on - NEEDED..
but you forget to do " your thing"- nursing with compassion, touch with care, listen with empathy, and make them feel happy that there is someone who are caring for them like a family..
CAught in the middle of a competition.Everything now seem just as a JOB..you came to the ward, check on the patient, give medicine, keep his hygiene, clean their wound, but you never know who you are caring, what was they feeling being at the ward alone- when everyone surrounds them have their family visiting, you only knew their physical medical diagnosis.. never their emotional diagnosis.

before this, i never really cared about being at the top of the class, never really cared if someone think that i'm stupid for spending longer time trying to do a work that other can just do a slipshot, never cared if someone think i'm pretending to be hardworking when i spend time working on a patient study case..
I dont know where and when, i change into a robot..
i did help a lot in the ward.. but i never feel happyand contended like i used to everytime i help the patients. I dont know them. they are just "works that i have to finish" instead of" a person/family member i want to care"

Did i decided to be a nurse so that i can be the one needed in case of medical emergency.. Yes.. but did i want to be a highly capable nurse who only knew to do her work and neglect other thing about the patient which has nothing to do with their medical diagnosis? NO.
I always dream of being a nurse who can be trusted to work with, confident, capable and the one that was close to the patient heart, the one who take care of a patient emotional and physical need. All this while, i was so buzy catching up with other, i forgot who i really want to be..
i forgot ME!!
i forgot my own true desire..
i forgot to build myself to be the one that i always wanted to be.

I REALLY HOPE TO BE ONE EXCELLENT NURSE..

i really do!!

a whole new world..

my preceptorship officially starts last Tuesday..
scary.. when thinking about it.. in just a few month i'll be changing from the title student to a fully working adult..
not that i never think of it.. but time just seem to flew so fast these 4 years.
in the next 6month.. everyone will walk on our different way.. wonder if there will be any chance that we'll meet each other again. i think i wanna cry now.. tsk..tsk..

since this i my first time in Sg Buloh hospital. i think i still havent fully able to adapt to the new situation.. the first 3 day were like .. uhhhh.. i think i'll give myself a C for the overall performance..crap..crap..
lets just hope everytime went fine and i'll be able to perform well tomorrow.

lots of things happened in the last 3 days..somebody broke into our house and stole 3 laptops and 2 handsets.. the robber HAD been caught but ... he was released ( or so the police said he escaped -but i think he was released instead of escaped) ON THE VERY SAME DAY!!!
things were geting more complicated for us.. my friends who lost their laptops is totally devastated.. all of their research work was stored in their laptops.. now it seem like they have to start all over again..
and the fact that the robber got away.. we haven't been able to sleep at night or go anywhere.. fearing that he might break in again..
HAISH!!!!!!!!!!!!

it was raining outside.. it was so mellow here that even listening to TAeyang and Thelma's " falling in love" song make me weep for no reasons..

I THINK i'm Going crazy...

i dont understand

soooo the result was out today as rumored....
dum.. dii..dum...

i told myself not to put such high hopes on this one as u know... when did i really study this semester? hurm.. i believe that is only about 3 hours on the day before the exam. so basically padan muka la if i didn't get what i want..

but..

but...

i got what i wanted... only that .. now i kinda wish i had it better...
haish.. i know i should be grateful... but somehow..somewhere deep inside..
i can't feel the joy of getting the result as i should.
i hate this.. why do i have to rain on my own parade like this..

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JUST A REMINDER TO MYSELF:

every time u dream of other people's dream.. u take away the time to build yours..

so... stop all this dissatisfaction OK... Things happens 4 a reason.

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kenapakah sedih sangat niiii?

REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND LA.

i'm thinking......

i thinking.......


urmh..............


uhhhhhhhhhhhh........


i wanna go to NE YO's KL concert sooooooooooooooooooooo badly........

it's NE YO's!!!!!! and i've been waiting 4 this like 4 ages!! ( hyperbola sket)

but... damn.. got practical and i'm practically broke before my loan is added next sem

sad sad...

must find a way and money.. FAST!

i WANNA GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

minda x center

dub..dub..dub.....

a little bird tell me that this semester's result wil be out next week..
*gulp*
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm soooooo freaking out !!!!

Go Go Flower Ranger's !!!

aku sbnarnya sgtlaaaaa malas sangat nak menghupdate blog ni dalam masa terdekat ni sbb praktikal dah stat balik plus aku kena paksa siapkan bahan multimedia utk conference kitaorang minggu ni jugak.. So kononnya macam aku sgt bz la tu padahal aku lebih fokus dan komited melayan honki dalam " you are beautiful aka A.N. JELL" dari beberapa minggu lepas lagi. (padahal ketua program nak harini tuh.. fuh~~ fuh~~ gile OTAI)

Skrg musim hujan pulak.. FUH~~ kalo bole tido sampai petang , percayalah, ada ja student puncak alam ni yang akan berbuat demikian.. sampai ada la yang kena tinggal bas nak gi praktikal.. isk3 dah tau kn p wad blik..nak tido tu agak2 r beb..Bukan aku aaaa.. saya kan pelajar cemerlang..hikhik

still lagi malas..tapi sbb terasa macam x chill kalo aku x cerita benda ni.. sblm ia jadi basi dan dicemari e-coli yang banyak sampai menyebabkan terjadinya AGE ( Acute gastro enteritis) di kalangan yang terlibat.. maka aku mengagahkan diri nak menaip ni.

Bulan lepas, 21 Ogos kitaorang ada satu dinner persatuan kat INTEKMA, Shah alam. Konon2 bertema la.. " garden dinner". konon nak berfesyen la..Check duit kat ATM.. cisss cukup2 buat beli megi asam laksa seminggu dua ja..au rasa kalo mesin tu bleh gelak.. dah lama dia gelak tergolek2 kat situ bila keluarkan slip baki aku.. cheese sungguh. kensel beli baju ropol2 ala2 langsir umah datok bandar aloq staq. last2 pakai jugak baju raya.. alaaaa ada bunga jugak kan..

perasaan sebal sbb x berjaya mencari tukang sponsor utk baju baru terubat bila ada ramai lagi orang senasib dalam hal ehwal kewangan di akhir semester turut memilih utk pakai baju raya..

ahli2 flower rangers sebelum bertukar, dari kiri : ranger's merah( ikin), rangers oren ( cikizzacute), pink ranger ( nina), ermmm ranger itam putih ( dila), ranger kuning-putih-koko(gile jawatan btul nih)-ema, dan ranger itam-putih jugak (nisa)

berbekalkan semangat dan ingatan yang kuat terhadap hidangan2 yang dijanjikan pada hari tu ..ada sate beb.. sate itu adalah komoditi makanan rare kat puncak alam tau.. sesemester kat sini..kau nampak sate, kau mesti pandang ayam Hot n spicy KFC sebelah mate je dah. tambah lagi dah kena dipaksa bayar utk dinner tu dan hakikat yang diri dah terasa muak gile mengadap nasi goreng ikan masin mak cik cafe yang terasa dah semakin tak masin tu.. ( mak cik buat low salt diet ke cik?) kami semua meninggalkan aktiviti harian mengadap ulangan Nur kasih di intenet ke Shah Alam

matahari dah nak masuk tido. baru bergegas nak bersiap2. 8 orang nak berebut 1 toilet.. bayang la berapa lama nak bersiap2 tu. jamuan katanya stat kul 8.. rilex lagi kul 6.30 ptg..suma x mau bersiap2 awai2, takut makeup rosak sbb peluh. waktu magrib nak nak masuk, baru terkocoh2 calit mekap, calit la apa yang patut.. asl x nampak cam opera cina anak bukit dah.. tapi kalo ko terlebih makeup pun sapa nak heran..ntah2 kau boleh dapat "flower of the night" hapa.. hikhik. Waktu ni, yang x penah2 bermakeup atau x tau nak pakai makeup pun buat2 la muka kesian kat housemate len nak mintak pinjam set MAC baru dia.. nasib baik dapat..hahaha

sampai di INTEKMA kul 8.10 ptg.. korang buat muka innoncent..macam x kn ada kat sana kul brapa. majlis x mula lagi. alaaa , biasa la janji Melayu.. Duduk rilex2 kat luar dulu sambil dok pasang mata tengok baju sapa paling glam..pastu dok gelak2 bila tengok fesyen pelik2 junior. berfoto gedik beberapa puluh snap ntah..yang pasti, tanda peace mesti ada( x da gaya len).. baru chill kononnya.bila masuk dewan..dapat tau orang separate kitaorang ngan junior.. Ape nerake dorang neh.. Nampaknya Pn diktator tu buat perangai lagi la.. wattheheng la camni. aku balik kang.. tapi ingat balik, padan muka aku camtu..abih duit makan aku 2 minggu kat situ ja.. nak ngadap megi lagi.. OH TIDAK!!

( penat kitaorang bagi sama aksessori tau.. yang kat tangan tu.. last2 kn dok asing2.. mana bleh, camna nak braksi camtu)

hati dah panas. marah dah berkepuk2 dah..tunggu asap kuar je nih. tapi muka kena manis jugak, baru saham naik.. silap2 ada orang magazine dtg ka, x pun orang surat khabar dtg ka, mana tauboleh jadi cover girl ke.. ( dreamy mode). suma orang pun x puas ati.. last2, setelah buat perundingan sulit ngan junior len, dapat jugak berkumpul satu meja kitaorang 8 orang. lantak la Dr diktator, kitaorang dah bosan diarah bt benda x berfaedah ni. Kalo nak bt meja asing2 tu, nak buat sesi suai kenai, x de maknanya, bukan minggu orientasi pun.. lagipun aku dah tetiap tahun jadi feci bdk junior dah kenai pun. Dont do thing as u please la.

pas bejaya menghasut si junior ubah tempat, keadaan jadi tenang r balik.. biasa la, dah dapat apa yang nak.. tenang r, ko nak bikin riot lagi buat pa kan.

kadang2 menjadi sorang narcissistic itu x bermakna anda menpunyai penyakit mental yang serius. ( gambar hiasan semata2)

( single but x semestinya available. sapa2 nak no dorang YM aku.. muahahaha..)

( jeng3.. aku sgt x suka detik ni.kenapakah ni..adakah aku berjaya mendapat princess/flower of the night?...nantikan jawapannya)

( pertandingan teka tangan sapa paling gemuk?)

( persembahan oleh dak2 junior- pakai buang-stacy. Gile hebat r dorang.. x penat2 menari.. aku nak join dah baju x seswai plak..( alasan2))


( persembahan tarian Balqis? ke lagu hapa ntah- aku kan x kacip sgt ngan lagu mlayu neh.. )

jawapan bagi soalan tadi...bukan nak puji diri sendiri.. tapi kepada seseorang yang ngata aku x usaha, (mcm Dr dictator and Nurse I-THINK-i'm-PERFECT) and dun have the right attitude to learn tuuu.. Aku sedang terasa nak tayang besar2 slip xm au kat dia.. Dun u dare insult me when u dont even noe me.. tapi sbb aku kan baik kan, aku x la malukan kamu mcm kamu malukan aku.. i noe i'm better than u.


( eksited jumpa datin Norjuma, si nina sempat bagitau reporter Kosmo suruh dtg ..hahaha.. jangan mara r kak eja.. )

kesimpulannya:
-last2 x da sate pun.. aku TERTIPUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. aku tertedaya.. CCHAISSSSSS!
- ntah kenapa, aku berasa x best pun dapat adiah tu.. sbb tgn yang memberi tu mulutnya dok memperli aku.. ntah hapa2 la)
-jadi orang yang bawak nkamera tu sangatla x best bcos, di akhirnya gambar ko ada sektul dua je dalam kamera tu.. x puas ati tul!!


ok.. stakat ni je akunak membebelk, megiku dah kembang dan ada ciri2 nak ditakabihkan macam biasa, Slamat malam puncak alam. moga2 keja multimedia aku siap jua minggu ni.. *sigh*

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kepada cik Aliaa.. Slamat Hari Lahir !!!! Cheese kek satu! yang secret recepi tau..hahaha