but i love you

soo.. it's official..
i'm making this blog as my rambling blog while LJ still my ichiban blog site.

so, last night we had our house meeting after the last one that starts the not-so-friendly crisis at home..
IT WAS BAD.. REALLY BAD..
i don't have to see the face of everyone to tell how bad did everything went at that time..
everyone sound so defensive about themselves ( that normal, right)
everybody think that they are in the right side.
so, it makes it harder to get to the main objective of the meeting- to clear thing out.

i feel like shouting these to them~
so u think that you are right?
even so, why must you act as the punisher in this case?
shouldn't we get to listen to both parties about their view over the issue..
maybe for you it was simple to make a dicision to just ignore somebody and act hostile to them.. just to show that u r right or u have the power to decide that we were wrong.
but i cant ignore that!!
have i been so blind to be ur friend for all these years?
had all the time that we spend, joke that we share, tears that we shed means nothing?
have we wasted these 3 years for something that leads to nothing?
have i been so wrong about you???
and did i even means anything to you.. ??

i'm not putting you 100% responsible for the crisis that we have at home,
everyone must have their own sense of justice,
and if you think that we were taking advantage of you or take something that dont belong to us.. then what can we do..
i thought that we have settle everything out last 2 weeks,
i'm sorry for keeping quiet the following days.. i need time to think back of what just happened, and evaluate myself if i did anything that hurt u all..( which i was fail to reason out anything that may make u treat me like this)
i dont understand.. why must it happens this way..

at home, i want so much to speak to u like we normally do..
want soo much to chat with u in class like we always did..
want to share the dorky thing that everybody-else-but-me-know with you..
but
but
but
i cant do that when u keep looking at me so coldly like that..
answer me hostily like that
and keeping ur distance like that..

although i keep tellin myself that .. "that's it, u have decided to keep that friendship a history.."
but that is still something i would forever cherish..( because i'm a fool)
hope that everything will be settled soon..
i dont think i can keep up with us like this anymore.

remember

i dont know when will the war at my place will ends..
even the GAZA issue have cold down for a while, but the opposite is happening here..
we are still not on speaking term.. hai~~ this is depressing.
i really dont know what that gurl want from me?
why wouldn't u just clear thing out with me?
i'm not a mind reader.. so tell me what is wrong with us? or me? or u?

and now i feel really stupid trying to mend things out when obviously she didn't have the same intention in mind.
hurm.. maybe i am..
if it make me stupid to want to go back to the way we used to .. then, yes.. i'm stupid.
if it make me stupid wanting to keep the friendship..even after what have happened, yes, i'm stupid
if it make me stupid to want everybody get along as we once were.. then , YES.. I"m a bIG IDIOT..

i'm not good with word..
not good with gestures either..
but i really hope we can put our differences behind.
lets laugh and play 2gether again
lets the smile blooms again.

this whole situation is killing me.. what did i did wrong?
why must u punish me for something i didn't do?
i think i have enough of this similar situation back then in the 1st year.. why must i endure another episode of these again
i've cried a lot from that, lied a lot to myself that it'll be ok after a while..
i'm tired of tis already
can we just stops it..

tag.. tag

stole this from erma..

Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
cold eyes baby(AMIGO)- shinee ( and later at them with the most cold stare)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
baby i'm sorry- Tae Yang ( whoa.. whats dat all about?)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
number 1- big bang ( yes.. i'm always number 1)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
way to go- Girls generation

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
darkness eyes-DBSQ ( what does dat supposed to mean- i'll be unable to sleep through these semester, or i'll fight someone until i got brises in the eyesor i'm the queen of darkness?)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Flower- L'arc-en-ciel( aww. that so sweet of them to think of me of)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
best friend-younha ( wow.. that is sooo true.. they are the closest person to me in this world)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
like being shot in the heart- baek ji young ( hahaha..)

WHAT IS 2+2?
i dont understand- big bang ( i'm that blur when it come to math..hahahaha)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
ji dai ai( looking forward to love) -JJLIN ft kym Jin

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
but i love you- G-dragon ( why must it be so true in this part.. my sad love story..hahaha)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
wish- Yuna Ito( all all my life fill with this)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
pieces- L'arc-en-ciel ( 4 real??)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
dive to blue-l'arc-en-ciel ( OMG.. fortunately there are no pool in the area.. i might just do that if i see him)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU
Pretty girl- KARA ( they must really be out of their mind to thik of me like that.. hahaha)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
dian yi ba huo ju( lighting a torch) - JJLIN.. ok.. that is such a nice song to be dancing to

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
let me dance -lexy ( you want me to go that much eh?)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
baby boy-lexy * Wink, wink*

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
lie- big bang ( err.. i didn't say this.. the song just appear to have this song.. i swear)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
step by step- Battle

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
watching only you-tae Yang ( how romantic is that!!)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
winter fall- L'arc-en-ciel( but there heve never snow in malaysia)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
crazy dog- big bang ( uh...oh..true!! that reminds me of an accident.. my stomach hurt if thinking of that again)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
find-SS501 ( the song?.. yes.. really make me cry)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
vivid colors-L'arc en ciel ( ahem.. why does most of the answer related to laruku's song.. something wrong with the shuffler)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
VIP-big bang ( seriously??)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
forever dream- x-japan *cries* why is my life that tragic..

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
my song and ...-younha ( there's a lot of ... that i may want to change)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
stylish( the fila) -big bang ( yes.. it hurt so much to be stylish and brokelike me.. huhu)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
red sunset glow- big bang

i dont understand

usually i'll post my entry in my livejournal,
but lets change for a while..

i just dont understand some people,
if you got problem with me.. just say it to my face
there's no need to talk behind my back or start a cold war.
and why must you act as if you are the victim when it was you who started it?
got get sympathy? or to make me feel as if i was the one doing the wrong thing in the beginning?
DAMN IT!!

i got some issue with some friends,
but the problem was originally just something very.. very trivial.... and these fellow keep making a big fuss over everything..
and i wasn't even directly related to it..so why must she start that cold war with me?
do you really want a fight?
you really want to see 2 parties in the same house?
if you got problem with me or the other 3, please confront us.. dont go around telling stories of how sad we have make you or how " unfair" we have treat you.

LOOK, i love you as a friend.. so very much.. i like our friendship..
but all these talks behind my back.. i dont know what you think of me, but really, i regret knowing you and let u a space in my friend cycle
if you think that i'm wrong in some way.. please correct me..
it's not like i'm the monster who will eat up anyone who dare to comment me.. plus, i dont think that i ever got mad at anyone for doing that( except Dr Faridah la)
but please la.. grow up!!
xkan pasal benda kecik , pasal duit pun nak compromise the 3 years friendship?
if u r not satisfied bout the money.. well, don't pay 4 anything, i'm not that poor to want your money that much,
about the space, if you want it that much, just take mine, i'll find a way around,

just.. stop all this childish act..
i didn't do anything wrong..
so why must u go around telling stories.?
i dont want to think bad of you, so please consider growing up for once..