but i love you

soo.. it's official..
i'm making this blog as my rambling blog while LJ still my ichiban blog site.

so, last night we had our house meeting after the last one that starts the not-so-friendly crisis at home..
IT WAS BAD.. REALLY BAD..
i don't have to see the face of everyone to tell how bad did everything went at that time..
everyone sound so defensive about themselves ( that normal, right)
everybody think that they are in the right side.
so, it makes it harder to get to the main objective of the meeting- to clear thing out.

i feel like shouting these to them~
so u think that you are right?
even so, why must you act as the punisher in this case?
shouldn't we get to listen to both parties about their view over the issue..
maybe for you it was simple to make a dicision to just ignore somebody and act hostile to them.. just to show that u r right or u have the power to decide that we were wrong.
but i cant ignore that!!
have i been so blind to be ur friend for all these years?
had all the time that we spend, joke that we share, tears that we shed means nothing?
have we wasted these 3 years for something that leads to nothing?
have i been so wrong about you???
and did i even means anything to you.. ??

i'm not putting you 100% responsible for the crisis that we have at home,
everyone must have their own sense of justice,
and if you think that we were taking advantage of you or take something that dont belong to us.. then what can we do..
i thought that we have settle everything out last 2 weeks,
i'm sorry for keeping quiet the following days.. i need time to think back of what just happened, and evaluate myself if i did anything that hurt u all..( which i was fail to reason out anything that may make u treat me like this)
i dont understand.. why must it happens this way..

at home, i want so much to speak to u like we normally do..
want soo much to chat with u in class like we always did..
want to share the dorky thing that everybody-else-but-me-know with you..
but
but
but
i cant do that when u keep looking at me so coldly like that..
answer me hostily like that
and keeping ur distance like that..

although i keep tellin myself that .. "that's it, u have decided to keep that friendship a history.."
but that is still something i would forever cherish..( because i'm a fool)
hope that everything will be settled soon..
i dont think i can keep up with us like this anymore.