hijau mata hitamku....

i'll be facing my licensing exam in a week time....

urgh..............

and i don't really feel i am ready to face this...

just got the result of the final xm last week... well, i have to say that.. Iza, u suck la... camna la bleh jatuh pointer nih?... hurm...

but no regret!! i know i have give my best ... errr ( except the paper part kot... sapa suroh malas lagi..)

overall.. my CGPA bleh tahan la.. but it is below what i have expect... sedey2..

some other have raise in their CGPA.... and some even got beyond what other achieve..

then.... datangla si setan nak menghasut bagi jeles kat org len...

i hate myself when i began to compare myself to other... because I know i could never win this battle if i keep looking at myself in other people's reflection...

i know... things happen 4 a reason... but sometimes cant help but to ask things like.. ,"why didn't I got what she/he got when i have strive even harder than em?"

or

" this is not fair!!!!!! Why did she get everything that i dream of achieving while i don't? "

or

" why wasn't i gifted with genius/photographic mind like her? why do i have to "suffer" to get to the level she so easily obtain"

that kind of negative feeling ..

i hate comparison.. really hate it!!!

even when i was on the better site, i cant shake off feeling not so good when i know people were comparing me with so and so..

but at the same time, cant run from it.. kan?

from...

comparing class achievement during xm and test

to ..

comparing who got the highest and lowest(dapat teruk.. nak compare sapa lagi teruk..

dapat elok pun nak banding sapa plg elok... )

to..

who got job first

to ..

who got the best working place

to..

who got the largest salary..

ect2

x habis2 kan...

camtu.. bilala baru nak menang... asyik terasa inadequate compared to someone else.. and that lead to feeling demotivated.. sungguh demotivated..

this is pathetic!!!

padahalnya... kalo suma org dapat benda yang sama ja.. then.. everybody's fate is standardized ke? I have different goal than that person i envy.. but learning that she is getting to her goal even faster than me make me feel so left out..

feel like i haven't been moving from the same place while she is sooo going places with her shinning wings...

i feel like a loser....

This SUCK!!!!