this stupid heart wish for.....

i just wish...............
that..



MY heart stop pumping so hard when I saw his pic or him updating his status..


demmit....

after all these years....why still cant 4get him...

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DARN IT!!!! 


this crazy little thing called love.... ( or is it?)

Why bother?

Last few weeks ago, one patient went for a Ct scan of the thorax and abdomen in our hospital. A very elegant woman in her fifties.

I called her in, with a thin smile, she just walk towards me.

we went quite for a few minutes after I explained to her about the CT scan and prepare her for the test.

this was her 1st time doing the scan, so i understands if she felt anxious about it..

I looked at the diagnosis made by the specialist;- CA BREAST..

now i understand what that sad face is actually saying. My heart felt for her. 

we talked for quite some time. She has just receive the news about her disease that morning-the lab result from her breast biopsy show that the cell was cancerous.. She was still in a shock., and most likely still unable to accept the news..

I wish there is more that i can do for her except just listening to her feeling and holds her hands in that time. Im half wishing that she could just cry if she want to, because it will ease her sadness, but she didn't. ( And i'm half cursing myself for being the one near to tears). She was calm during the whole conversation, telling me about her life, living as a single mother raising 3 children all by herself after her husband died. 

I asked her about her feeling upon hearing the news. 

"i'm scared" .. then she stops and look downs..

"i'm not scared of dying.. i'm scared to think how will my sons live without me.. can they cope? i dont want to be a burden to them.. "

a drop of water fell down her cheek.  

This is women who just receive the news that she have cancer, she should be thinking about herself but all she could think was her children..( which all are already working and over 22 yrs old already)And I was thinking, "Our  parents sure are the greatest person in the world, if only we know and appreciate them before they are gone"  

we hugged  before she left..with the same thin smile, she walks aways 

I ran into the changing room.. Looked at the pic of my parent in the cellphone.Cry.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

on another occasion, a bunch of girls went out for dinner.. 

In the car when everyone else was chatting about around,  someone's cellphone rings. 

it was her father on the line..

the others went quite for a while..

As the girl on the phone speaks to her parents, someone else from the back sit suddenly snap, " Why must she always talks to her parents everyday? I think even when she wants to get married she will talks to her parents about it" 

The other went quite still..

The girl with the phone clench her hand so hard.. forcing herself to calm down from slapping that backseater so hard in the face.. 

" It was my business.. ( suka ati aku la)" was all she could says.

then someone else's cellphone ring.. It was the girl in the back seat's cell.. 

Her boyfriend is on the line.. . And she have been calling him even before they started the journey to the restaurant  and 30 minutes after that and 20 minutes after the 2nd call.. 

I couldnt help but to smirk and kick her hard in the stomach in my imagination.. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So.. it is WRONG to talk to your parents everyday, but it is totally OK to talk to your boyfriend every minutes.. 

Oh, I get It.. Parents are supposed to be remembered only when you have problems with your boyfriend and friends.. 

You dont need to asked how are they doing except the moment your neighbor call saying that your mum/dad was warded.. and then you snap back at your parents, " why havent you told me you are sick"  when you called them last month. 

You dont need your parents, so why bother talking to them about their life, why bother care about them when they are always there for 24 years of your life no matter how bad you talk to them.. you will always be their daughter. But you need to keep in touch with your boyfriend every minutes because you need them to like you,  because otherwise he would think you are not interested in him and search for other girl or maybe he will be fuming mad because you didn't call back when you are really busy. 

Yeah.. why bother thinking and keeping in touch with a couple of old people whom have been raising you, give you shelter, Love, education, listen to you when you are sad, tend to your sickness,  give you whatever that you want when in fact that they don't have much for themselves.Always think of your best interest even during the time they are sick.

BUT

it is VITAL to think and call that Guy whom you just met the 3 weeks ago, who you doesn't even know if they really like you for you or they have other intention, always pushing you to tell him every thing that you did that day when you were really tired from working, who doesn't have the intention to have something serious with you in the near time..   

YEAH.. WHY BOTHER ABOUT PARENTS? Your Boyfriend is obviously very important. 

  

HELL NO!!!

remember when i said that i have a VERY VERY BAD Luck with people..
it's happening again.. and with the same person.. cet
vavik tul la jadi camni lagi esp time aku dah putus harapan nak keja kat sini..

I think i have made it clear that i dont wanna have anything to do wit that girl..
still why ask me to move out with her.. And Why HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!( dalam ramai2 orang)
dont wanna work where she work..
dont wanna go out when she tag along ( because mulut dia mmg x da insurance and yes.. I dont like narcissistic-nosy attention seeker)
Don wanna but in when she's busy seeking attention- HEll, I dont care about your boyfriend or your life, I dont EVEn wanna fucking care about YOU!!
I dont wanna act like i enjoyed her STUPID INSULTING remarks about me( which she obviously think is funny/ amusing)
I dont wanna act normal when I really feel like hitting her hard in the face the next time she open her stinky mouth and insult me.
and doesnt that make it REALLY CLEAR that..
LIVING WITH her in the SAME HOUSE again Is impossible for me!!!!

seriously think I'm SICK of all this game of life..
I'm SICK OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It's high time for me to get out of PJ..
there are thing I can tolerate..macam keja ngan Si tukang Kipas boss yang semakin malas bt keja, tahan kena marah ngan boss yg racist, tahan kena tengking ngan patient ultrasound yang tak reti bahasa..diperli/dimarah oleh Radiologist yang pro-si tukang kipas, di-ignore oleh rumate aku dari 2-3 minggu lepas.. Aku boleh tahan ngan suma tu..

TAPI

but

living with the bitch-from-hell is not something i can take right now( or the next 2 month)-unless you really want to see me going seriously depress..

AND HELL NO!!!! I dont wanna relive my 1st year depression again..
i'm walking out of all this mess...
she's going to torture my feeling NO MORE..

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nothing much to say...
Just Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!




cant help smiling like an idiot watching this movie.. funny and in most part, can totally relate to this movie..

and oh..




MARIO MAURER why do you have to be so Cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

btw, I wonder what whitening product did Nam( the female lead) use that she became instantly fairer in just a year.. haha..maybe i could get hold of those product too.. ( well, not that i actually have someone in mind to impress.. but who knows, .. Heh) =P

Ok.. cakap banyak pun tak guna.. Tengok je la.. totally worth watching.. Love it to bits!!

mode: In love with Pshone~

A LOVE LETTER TO MR D..

i remember the 1st time i set my eyes on YOU..
so solid and sophisticated..I'm mesmerized
 i cant help thinking about you.. I THINK IT's LOVE
even when i no longer see you nearby,  the  memory of you still linger in my mind..

yesterday, i saw you again..
my heart was beating so fast... I THINK this stupid love come again
this heartache is driving me crazy!!

my heart was saying..
" can i reach for you"
" can I hold you "
" can I ever have you"
dear Mr D, I really want you..


seeing you in the hand of other...
my heart hurt..
I think It's jealousy..
the way you just fit with that other girl,  the way both of you look when you are together..
i want you..
but having you come with a price to pay...and that was something i cant affort right now
Ohoho..

Mr D.. I wonder when will we be  together
getting to know each other ..
to get my hand on your magnificent body...
going everywhere together.. no matter what other may say,
i know as long as we are together,  I'll be the happiest girl there is..
MR D, I know we were always meant for each other..

I REALLY  REALLY WANT YOU  MR DSLR Camera....
hahahaaha

the not-so-sincere-writer,

VIPCOLOGIST..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today's is an important date to me..
to the most optimistic person whom always inspire me with his writing..
and always brought me smiles even during my hardest time..
who make goofy boys look adorable and make me starts to go nuts over cute-clumsy-guy-who-doesnt-even-know-he -look-cute-being-goofy..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YAMAPI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
may you still be the most handsome and cool 'goofy' ever!!!!!



and for that catchphrase that  I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THE MOST!!!!! sankyu...

I'M POSSIBLE!!!!!!




ohoho..... I like one part in  this CM.. Very much.. *wicked laugh*
just went back from the beach last 2 weeks.. and only 3 things come to mind at that time:
- beach reminds me of Pi very much.. ( which make me love the sea even more, ReGARDLESS of the sunburn i hVE TO suffer the following days (T.T)
2- L'arc en ciel's- shizuka no umi de.. ( well.. it's not that quiet in pangkor anyway.. but the song is sweet..ANYWAY..) next
3- It would be totally GREAT if i have a DSLR with me.. lots of ideas, but i cannot do it with my current digicam.. cet!
which bring me to... the conclusion:


urmh.....I'm  SOOOOO getting myself the Nikon DSLR!!!!!!