of Love and TEARS

its been quite a while since i've post anything..
well.. life is really bust these day- but i really love it .
maa.....it seem like i really have found what i love doing, hope this feeling will never fades away just because of some other health care personnel who like to find others fault to cover their own weakness* ahem*like the someone here* hides* WHO said That?

today, one of the patient pass away of Cancer.. lymphoma.
poor guy, he is hardly 40 yrs old. the whole health care team have been strugling hard to safe him yesterday.. but today, it was his time it seem.
i felt really sad for him..
had he been diagnosed earlier, this could have been avoided..
or if they have know that he couldn't be saved.. i think its better if he was allowed to spend his last time at home.. instead of dying surrounded by strangers like us.

the last 4 days- when he was admitted to the ward, he seem fine ( not as sick as he was yesterday) .. still can talk, smile .. still very lively..
he could have a more peaceful departure surrounded by his loves one.. listening to their voice, have them to hold his hand and whisper the" shahadah". but lives don't always goes as planned..

nobody would have thought that it would happens so fast.

last week also, a patient whom i cared passed away. i'm still sad about it, not because of the fact that he died, but the way he died.
he was send to the ward, bedridden, presented with pressure ulcer ( 2nd stage) on various part of his body that even looking at him make you feel his pain.
since the day he was send to the ward, i nver see any of his relatives comes to visit at all( but i dont know if they did at the time i wasn't there)
i noticed that sometimes there were tears falling from his eyes.. i think he wish his family was there..but now, i think it was because of other cause.

a week before he passed away, his condition improves, and with that i believe he will survived ( but somehow deep down, i found myself wishing that he would just go- o that he will no longer suffer the pain)

i dont know how he died precisely because i wasn't on duty that day.. Maybe it was better that i wasn't there, i might cry..
but the most shocking thing is that.. he is a muslim after all. .and we only know it after he pass away- his relative only reveal that later after everything was too late..
Why on earth did they do that???!!!!!!
They have all the time a month before to tell us that, but they didn't!
i hope his soul will rest in peace and may he be placed in the heaven.


" inna lillah hi wa inna ila hi ro ji un"