Yes i'm a nurse.. Is that wrong?

ever since school days.. i always dream of becoming an Interior designer, or a graphic designer, VIsual art artist, ...basically anything that is related with art.i'm sooooooo in love with art that i've gone against my father and take Art as my 12th SPM. subject ..
and gladly i did very well back then..
and i believe that I could make a living with my art skill.

then..i got accepted to matriculation. although i did get some other offers to take these Art related program in universities.. but i didn't accept it, because..I wanted to explore what does the matriculation life could offer me.. and anyway, i could still go for those courses after i finish matriculation.
and then.. after a year in matric during the time to choose the course i want to take in university later on, i found myself asking..,
"do i really want to do those art-related job?"

"can i get a satisfaction if i work those area?"

" what can i contribute to the society by working in that area'
and i found myself having these urge to help others.. that's was when i found my love for NURSING. and I'm qualified enough to take up other courses rather thanNUrsing.. but i choose to be in it. (of all 8 choices of courses-7 of em was filled with nursing courses)

my dad totally oppose of this decision.. even in my 2nd year.. he would still suggest me to change courses.. fearing that i have taken the wrong part.. ( because he knew i was always so keen on ART)
and i cant blame him for that..

I thought i have enough love and courage to take up this course.. To say that truth, there were time after I got in the the University that I wanted to quit because it was so hard to struggle with studies, other people's perception and my own expectation of myself . But it's not like I wanted to seriously quit, and I think that's something that everyone thinks at least once inside their heart.

During those stressful days,a lot of time.. i cried on the phone and told my parents about the stresses that i have while on this program. I hate being here so much..
I was betrayed, stabbed behind, lied upon here. Someone spread false rumors about me and that resulting in me being called many times by the lecturers and head of department. And there's once been an incident where my marks was given unjustly.. i just dont understand why that thing happens as it shouldn't been happening.. and my group have given our best to earn better marks.. BUt these things just happens right?
i never felt so depressed in my entire life..

Making thing worst, I always feel so downgraded by other when talking about my career path.When people around me ask about my Course.. and i answer back.. " i'm a nursing student" , the response wasn't always positive.
if at the first, before they know i'm a nurse-they would talk using a differnt kind of way..it would suddenly change to," owh.. a NUrse" like i just say something totally dumb..like i suddenly look dumb to them..

Nursing alone is hard.. and people like that keep making this job harder for us.. and what's wrong with that?
why must people look at me like i'm such a loser for choosing this path..
why must u talk to me like i'm so lower ranking than them.. like suddently i turn stupid just because they know that i'm a nurse.
why must people downgrade me for the path that i take..

Even in the working area.. We were always downgraded by other health care personnel.. Especially doctors. even when we are already working so hard..we were there by the patient side every shift, give them what they need. help them with whatever they ask us to. Nurse them..BUt then, we were always the last person to be appreciated in the ward. and the first to be blamed if something goes wrong..

and i'm tired of this..tired of being unappreciated..
tired of being perceived as stupid and incapable of doing anything right even when we got enough knowledge and skill.
tired as being seen as handmaiden to the doctors even when we have the same educationa level as them.. we are colleagues. not the doctor's servant.
Tired of being seen as soo lower ranking compared to our other working colleagues ( doctor, occupational therapy, Medical imaging ect2)..like getting the.. "oooo.. nurse" and the sudden silence after knowing who we are. or when what we said was the last to be heard just because they think they are superior to us.
i'm tired of all of this bureaucracy thing that keep us low in the eye of the public.

and i'm a degree level student.. but in Malaysia, there are still no posting placement for degree holder nurse to be in the clinical area that enable them to get their salary based on their educational level. we can't get the U41 ranking yet as that would mean that we are the same level as doctors and that was opposed by them ( but .. hello. we got our degree too) And we are no longer the supporter team. ( bukan kumpulan sokongan)..so we deserve to get U41. but then.. People and their Jealousy, close-mindedness and ignorance.. so now, even when i study more than the diploma level student..spend more time in school than them.. i would still receive the payment of a diploma nurse..
and worst, our prospect here in Malaysia isn't too bright as many private hospital also favor to take diploma nurse rather than degree holder nurse.

( my friends and i.. the first student batch taking degree in nursing after our Matriculation)

IT WASN'T EASY TO BE A NURSE.. THUS DON'T MAKE LIFE HARDER FOR US..

for my soon to be doctors friends.. please.. try to understand this. Doctors work on curing the patient and nurses works to nurse the patient..not to just hang around you,or be your handmaiden. We have our own job.. you have your own. We are not your handmaiden. so please.. as much as we respect your job.. please respect our too. but i totally apologize for the wrongdoing of some nurses who just take nursing as a job.. not career-those who did very careless and unprofessional work . but please, don't generalize us based on the wrong doing of others. We are changing. and I want to be one of the changing agent in this nursing profession.

And we are also human, so please respect us as human.. Don't go screaming around in the ward at the nurses for their wrongdoing. please be professional. lets us works with each other, instead of against each other.

i just love this quote " If there are people who are having problems with studies or related to sports....... It might sound harsh, but thinking that you're doing your best is not sufficient, is it? People around you are working even harder. Try harder and harder and if it's still impossible, then you're not suited for it. Suitable, and unsuitable is something that happens to everyone, so you just have to work hard at something else." It was py's who said this.. and i realize..i always feel like i have given my best in everything.. but there are always other people who are working even harder than me, thus i should go all out before i give upon this.. And i'm glad i did.

( i love him for his maturity and deep thinking regarding something. and at the same time manages to pull off that stupid goofy character that i love so much. thanks for the inspiring words..py!!)

after 3 years in the nursing courses.. meeting lots and lots of people. Experiencing enough bitterness.receiving lots of moral support and encouragement from both the patients and some doctors ( who are indeed very helpful and kind).. my own experience in clinical area..I think, Nursing is the best job on earth.
there is no other job that let us touch someones heart soo deeply and at the same time allows us to help them with their pain, suffering,sorrow,worries, uncertainties, loneliness, from the day they were sent to the ward until the day they are able to smile back.. and walk, and talk.., and later come to us with the biggest gift of all..
A "THANK YOU"from a patient that we have help all along..

and i think i want live everyday for things like that to happens..

to be able to help others as long as i can and aspire them to live their life.I

hope i can be a good nurse.. I hope i'll be able to change the current situation here in Malaysia and improve our image.God.. please help me to walk along these path.. and please make me able to do all that i aim to do..

(our practical in 2008.. I had wonderful time learning and experiencing many things here. the doctors are very helpful to teach us thing we don't know )

( in the obstetric and gynecology ward.. I think i had the best time of my life handling the babies here)

( our community program, in negeri sembilan.. It was so much fun and satisfaction to be able to get along with the society here)